Reflecting a State of Mind

Reflecting a state of mind

 

Night calls

It is a perspiring wasteland

The effervescent heat of this land

I feel within the heavy rains of floating dreams

It seems it lasts a lifetime to find one’s center

To be uplifted

To not let open wounds knock us into oblivion

It is a copacetic playground

Masterminding existence

Where do we drift?

Where do we belong?

Kids all grown

Love dying

Do we carry on?

Is a celibate marriage worth sacrificing your essence?

Blatant wrongs

Slapped

Thrown to the floor face first

Should I bleed?

Or go bloody mad?

Will the wily man win?

When will my redeemer arrive?

Save my soul from eternal destruction

I swivel in this chair

I don’t want to keep destroying my child’s eyes with these fights

Shall I eschew my mate?

I am lachrymose

I can’t breathe in any more pain

He is parsimonious with me

No lover can I call him

No friend

Maybe now a terrifying foe

All my ideas, my being is impugn to him

Down

Down

Down

I fall

Maybe I’ll write blazonry poems to him

Press his thighs with the heat of this night

No I recoil

I am mutinous

A stranger to myself

He says I am slothful

My heart is dangling on a string

Barely hanging on in this once blissful home

Maybe I’ll just become a pagan

A Buddhist or a Beatnik

Then hatred will surely be his snare

Better to walk outdoors

Start again

Begin again

Yet I linger on yesterday’s dreams

Unsure if my destiny will be any better than this

His ruse allowed me to say I do

To negate my hopes and dreams

To abandon my homeland

To live this stranger’s life

Surely one day I will ensue a new love if I ever recover from this

But for now I am caught in a maelstrom of confusion

Unsure if I can even breathe through the body of dungeons lost

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2 thoughts on “Reflecting a State of Mind

  1. Marie Elena

    Oh, Hala …. your elegance of word and phrase are the backdrop of unimaginable heartache. But these? These render me broken:

    “Should I bleed?”
    “I don’t want to keep destroying my child’s eyes with these fights”

    Reply
    1. thelanguageofherhand Post author

      Yes Marie my pain is immense but what is killing me is the pain of my child’s eyes, I am sorry they render you broken but I thank you for your heartfelt reaching out, I wish you a lovely day always

      Reply

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