Reflecting a State of Mind

Reflecting a state of mind

 

Night calls

It is a perspiring wasteland

The effervescent heat of this land

I feel within the heavy rains of floating dreams

It seems it lasts a lifetime to find one’s center

To be uplifted

To not let open wounds knock us into oblivion

It is a copacetic playground

Masterminding existence

Where do we drift?

Where do we belong?

Kids all grown

Love dying

Do we carry on?

Is a celibate marriage worth sacrificing your essence?

Blatant wrongs

Slapped

Thrown to the floor face first

Should I bleed?

Or go bloody mad?

Will the wily man win?

When will my redeemer arrive?

Save my soul from eternal destruction

I swivel in this chair

I don’t want to keep destroying my child’s eyes with these fights

Shall I eschew my mate?

I am lachrymose

I can’t breathe in any more pain

He is parsimonious with me

No lover can I call him

No friend

Maybe now a terrifying foe

All my ideas, my being is impugn to him

Down

Down

Down

I fall

Maybe I’ll write blazonry poems to him

Press his thighs with the heat of this night

No I recoil

I am mutinous

A stranger to myself

He says I am slothful

My heart is dangling on a string

Barely hanging on in this once blissful home

Maybe I’ll just become a pagan

A Buddhist or a Beatnik

Then hatred will surely be his snare

Better to walk outdoors

Start again

Begin again

Yet I linger on yesterday’s dreams

Unsure if my destiny will be any better than this

His ruse allowed me to say I do

To negate my hopes and dreams

To abandon my homeland

To live this stranger’s life

Surely one day I will ensue a new love if I ever recover from this

But for now I am caught in a maelstrom of confusion

Unsure if I can even breathe through the body of dungeons lost